Why Can't I Just Get Five Peaceful Minutes?

Mom of toddlers, when someone asks me to describe myself I am "a mom of two toddlers." Depending on the day I may describe those toddlers as adorable, sweet, funny, amazing... crazy, exhausting, ridiculous. They're toddlers, after all, they are ALL those things, at any given moment, and fifteen times throughout the day. Sometimes I just want five minutes of peace.
Don't get me wrong, I do cherish my time with them, after all I am a working mom who does not get infinite hours being at their beck-&-call. I hate the idea of complaining about the time I do get with them, because I have so much mom guilt for having to leave them for 8+ hours a day. I am not perfect and neither are my kiddos, which is why, sometimes, I just need five peaceful minutes.
Let's paint the picture: It's 8PM on Friday night and my husband is at work. I have bathed the children and placed them in bed with a movie to watch. I sneak off to the shower so I can wash away another exhausting day. Let's be honest, the shower is the most peaceful place. The calming sounds of the hot water that steams up the entire room, if you're lucky enough to get to shut the door while you shower, that is. See, very seldom do I get to close the door, or if I do get to close it rarely does it stay that way. These toddlers know how to get in and they always do. Other times, like this particular Friday, I left it open so I could keep my mom ears in high alert. After all, they are alone in the house. I probably didn't need to actually leave the door open because I can hear them perfectly fine. I just can't figure out what I am hearing. Are those piercing screams the sound of happy toddlers, doing something they shouldn't be doing, but having lots of fun? Are those ear piercing screams the sound of a toddler yelling out for help because her brother is actually causing her physical pain or harm? When it does go silent, is it because one of the children is unconscious? dead? or maybe whispering his apologies so she doesn't rat him out for causing her extreme physical pain? I shower, as quick as I can, trying not to forget to rinse the conditioner out of my hair, again! No one is bleeding, no one is hurt, but lots of noise, so much noise. Why is bedtime so loud? I text my husband, "why can't I shower in peace?" He doesn't have an answer. It's not often that he's home alone with the kids these days during bedtime routine. This used to be his problem when I worked late, but then again, they're just now TWO and THREE years old. They didn't used to BOTH be so mobile, so independent, so strong-willed, so ... threenager/toddlerific! And then, finally, we sleep.
Now, now it is Saturday. Daddy goes to sleep and I attempted a trip to Walmart with both children. Once we got in the door everything was fine, but let's just say we spent 3 minutes standing by the carts at the front of the store causing quite a scene. This toddler didn't want to ride in the seat, that toddler didn't even want to come out of the parking lot. One stood by the crosswalk crying, the other fought me as I attempted to reason with her about where she was going to sit. I get him away from the crosswalk, just long enough for him to realize why she's crying and then he joins her. He's not going to ride in the seat either, not if he has anything to say about it. It felt like eternity, with all eyes on us. We get inside the door, we make our way through the store causing very few scenes, and then she says those words. "I need to go potty"... of course you do, my sweet 2 years-5mos-3wks old child. You potty trained yourself, through your own desire, without any help from us, because diapers are so much more convenient when you need to run errands or take road trips, but you did it! And you're doing so great, so yes, let me push this cart full of groceries to the restroom door and take you and your brother to go potty.
When it's all said and done, we come home and there seems to be a bunch of meltdowns. Meltdowns that don't make any sense. Except that these toddlers must be exhausted. You can't make them understand that all they need is a nap. Instead, though, she passes out for a quick 30min power nap, while he's still wide awake and destroying my house. Then they're both awake and there is lunch to be had. He doesn't want macaroni and cheese, he wants meatballs. She doesn't want meatballs, she wants mac&cheese. No naps were had today, not enough with both of them asleep and peace in the house. Instead I am in charge of doing four loads of laundry, picking up around the house, I've made them breakfast, and a lunch they didn't eat, and no nap time to give me five peaceful minutes to wrap my brain around what I am going to make for dinner. They get pizza. I'm done.
The children haven't napped and they are clearly exhausted. You can't reason with these terrorist--- I mean toddlers. I am at the end of my sanity. For some reason he is arguing with her about something that doesn't even make sense. He is being mean for no reason and I really want to give him a piece of my mind, but as soon as I do he will turn into an emotional basket case and I don't have the patience for this, not today! Not today.
I ask my husband, please just take them outside to play. I need some time. He obliges and there is nothing but the dog and me in the house. I get in the shower... this could be my only chance for a peaceful shower, with the door closed, the steam to fill the room. As I move along from shampooing my hair to washing my face the bathroom door swings open with force. The three year old toddler needs to poop. Now. In this bathroom. At this moment. The husband says, "I think he has a 6th sense about when mommy showers," meaning, when mommy finally gets five peaceful minutes a timer must go off in his little body that reminds him he hasn't disturbed mommy lately and he must find her immediately and disrupt any peace she may be having...

I have many blog posts, ready to be written, but I just can't seem to find the five peaceful minutes to get them typed out. Until next time, folks!

A Whole New Chapter...

I have been working with the NWA Naturals since January (Martin Luther King Jr Day) 2011. I wanted to work in baseball ever since I changed my major my freshman year of college. Living in St Louis I realized baseball is life, but there was more than just a game involved in baseball. I started dreaming of working in Community Relations and Events in the small world of baseball. After graduating I took a few paths off course, but eventually landed on my feet, with a seasonal internship, with the Northwest Arkansas Naturals-- the AA Affiliate of the KC Royals.
I was hired on as a full-time staff member March 2012. Through the experience I have planned events, been a part of long hours, and even had to learn to speak up for women in this industry. It's not common for you to find a front office of a team that includes many woman, let alone working moms. Thankfully I have had another staff member be my shoulder when I needed support, someone who was able to understand the struggles of being a working mom, a woman in a man's world.
There are a lot of assumptions about people who work in the sports industry, Minor League Baseball, and most of those are that we are only here for games. Truth be known I have spent many hours in the office and the ballpark when the team is on the road and even when we do not have a team. The events at the ballpark are not things that happen overnight and the many hours I have spent here have been planning for the future. People assume you're here for player development or here just for the players-- husband searching, is a common misconception-- but my interaction was typically limited to asking a player to catch a Ceremonial First Pitch or the brief interaction with Naturals or Royals Alumni when they were here for our sponsors or fans. My job expanded from promotional planning to intern training to sponsorship coordinating to so many other tasks.
This job has taught me so much and has been an incredible place to work. I have had the opportunity to watch the future of baseball pass through this ballpark on their way to win a World Championship! While my job may not have been related to the players themselves, my job was here, at the ballpark and I have seen some great baseball along the way. I am a proud Cardinals fan, from the fans world, but the Kansas City Royals taught me about the world of baseball. I have a new understanding for what money cannot buy. I get what it means for someone to come up from the minor leagues and become the MVP of the World Series. Watching Salvador Perez go from the Catcher for the Naturals in 2011 to the MVP in 2015 for the Royals was amazing and fun! It was an experience like no other.
Of course, beyond baseball, I have learned a lot about myself and have built some lasting relationships, with co-workers, fans, and clients! I have been here since before being engaged, through my wedding, my pregnancies, and now my life as a mother of two toddlers. I am strong, I am smart, I am creative, I am hard-working, I am a leader, I am capable of anything I put my mind to... this was the first place that gave me the encouragement to be everything I thought I could be and gave me the support to challenge myself. It hasn't been the easiest ride, and there have been difficult days, weeks, and maybe months, but honestly, it's been something I wouldn't ever change about my life.
However, as most of you know, my role as a mom has been the MOST important role I have ever signed up for, it has been the most rewarding and fun, the most valuable and difficult role. I have struggled over the last (almost) three years as a mom in Minor League Baseball. The hours are long, the nights are tough, my babies are usually asleep when I get home, meaning the one hour or so in the morning with them is the only hour I get with them during long homestands! I have been blessed with a supportive husband and two amazing parents, but I am mom. I want to be mom. I want to tuck them in at night. I want to hold them & love them. I want to hear about their day. I want to have dinner with them. My kids are my everything and sacrificing these precious moments has been incredibly tough.
That is why I recently agreed to take a different path. I made the decision to start a new chapter. I decided the things I enjoy about my job will never outweigh the time I spend with my children. I accepted a new job. To be honest, I always knew it was going to take a lot for me to leave, I wasn't going to leave the job I actually enjoy doing and go some place that I wasn't sure would be the last job change for me. So when the opportunity came for me to apply for a position with a company that I admire, one I have seen first hand treat their employees with respect, and some how balance work & life, I knew I couldn't let the opportunity pass me by!

I am excited to announce that I accepted a job with General Mills. The company that both of my parents found their careers in. The company that has made it almost "easy" to be a working parent. The company that has supported my entire family through family sicknesses, deaths, births, marriages, and many other milestones! I am not saying there won't be trying times as a working parent, or that my parents actually had it easy. Simply put, I have felt a part of the General Mills family for all of my 35 years of life and I am proud to make it the home of my career, so my children can be a part of an amazing organization for their lives. It truly is a company that nourishes lives and I feel like I am leaving the baseball World Champions and heading to an entire Company of Champions!

It is hard to believe this is where my baseball career ends, but I cannot imagine leaving all of that behind for any place other than General Mills and I am excited (& terrified) for this new chapter in my life. I am thoroughly looking forward to family dinners, tucking my babies into bed, morning routines, and entire weekends off with my family! Thank you to everyone who has been a support system for me, has been there for my family, and has supported us through chasing our dreams!

Toddlerhood

Since my children are so close in age I always knew that we would never be in the clear. I always knew that they would eventually team up against us. I did not know that my youngest would surpass my oldest in devious, cunning, skillful ways of toddlering.

Sis is not far behind her big brother. Anything he can do, she can do, and she will. She is determined and skillful. We've always said my son is smart, he's very intelligent. He knows everything, you can always see the wheels turning, he is constantly learning. Sis, however, is much more laid back and chill. She isn't always willing to show off her skills and expertise. She is, however, very sassy and opinionated for a 15 month old baby. She may not be willing to show off her knowledge of colors or new words on demand, like her brother, but she is almost too quietly smart for her own good. As in, she knows things, doesn't show us that she knows things, but suddenly we see that she knows things because she has done something incredibly crafty for a young toddler.

Don't get me wrong, she isn't so crazy that we are concerned for her (or our) safety. She is just enough silly and smart for me to be concerned to leave her alone for too long. I turned the shower on in the bathroom, walked to my bedroom to get pajamas, returned to the bathroom to find my 1 year old in my tub, water running, fully clothed, shoes on, standing there looking at me like... "what?!" So now I am concerned that she is going to be too quick to the water running, learning how to flush things down the toilet, splashing around in the sink, or whatever the case may be... nothing is safe from being soaked! These concerns have never crossed my mind with my son. How can TWO children from the same parents be so incredibly different????

Home for Christmas...

June 20 my Uncle dove into his swimming pool, as he had many times over the years, but something happened this time. This time he didn't come up for air, he didn't grin (his "shit eating" grin) and splash around like he always had. This time his 14 year old daughter had to roll him over to see he was not breathing. This time his 12 year old son had to jump their privacy fence, to get to a neighbor (a Godsent neighbor), a man who was part of the local fire department, to come over to perform CPR. His wife was shocked, scared, and the neighbor insisted she get out of there, go inside and be with the kids, because he didn't want her to see the man she loved blue, from the chest up, unconscious and broken.

My Grandpa called my mom, told her there was an accident and he would let her know more, but for now he had been airlifted to a hospital in Memphis. He called back frantic, calling my phone (because, as usual, my mom didn't have her cell phone) and he needed to tell my Mom to get to Memphis, because the Drs believed my Uncle was brain dead. His wife was visualizing a situation where she would have to be the one to make the decision to pull the plug. How is that possible, the man she loved, the father of her children, in her own words, her "whole world" may not wake up and she was going to have to be the one to make any type of decision?!

People from all over the world, friends of my Uncle, friends of my family, my friends from every part of my life, everyone joined in prayer. I never gave up on this man, because my Uncle is one of a kind. There is no one in this world like him. He's determined (nice way of saying stubborn). He's his own ass-kicker. He is a motivational man, always the one family members turn to when they need their spirits lifted. He's a goof, a flirt, a crazy, silly, wonderful guy who will never be counted out in any situation. However, we were not given much hope.

Suddenly there were tiny steps, tiny little moments that restored our hope and our faith in his recovery. He was breathing, he had a halo (as my mom would say "that's the only way you're gonna get a halo"), and was healing, he was maybe hearing his visitors, maybe talking back to them when they would tell him they were leaving.

He woke up, but again the Drs & nurses were all very hesitant to give us much hope. Not many patients can come back from these moments. Not fully or completely. They told us he may never walk again on his own. They told us to prepare to have the house made over, for wheelchair entrances, a hospital bed for him to sleep on, update the bathroom to help him shower/bathe. His physical therapist stopped in his room one day, when my mom was in there, and asked her about my uncle's lifestyle. She told the therapist my Uncle was a lifetime athlete. Played football his whole life, never turned down a challenge and still thought of himself as young, always trying to keep up with his kids-- his very athletic kids! The therapist said "oh good! So he would want us to push him, he'd want us to make him work?" and my mom laughed and said yes. Yes, that is exactly what he would want, someone to challenge him every single day!
Everyone was trying to determine the BEST way to get my Uncle back, and his wife, his friends, his family were looking into every treatment center, every option they had. Then he was qualified for a rehab facility, in Atlanta, that was one of the best in the nation for his type of injury. The person that came to Memphis to see if he was a candidate for the facility said she thought he was going to walk out of the rehab center by Christmas. We know he is his own ass-kicker and challenges are always accepted and usually met with what appears like ease... and determination. We know if anyone can do it that it'd be my Uncle, but was she right? Would he walk out, on his own, by Christmas? He started physical, occupational, and speech therapy. He started trying to communicate much more clearly. Eventually we were even able to get him to eat "real" food, although someone had to feed him. He had moments that were clearer than others, and moments that remained quite foggy, but he was awake. The rehab facility took him to try new things all over again. Going outside, eating pizza, even a Mt Dew. He was given the opportunity to feel a little bit normal, but with each new introduction it really confused his brain. He would enjoy these things, but it would exhaust him. Things were getting better physically and he was able to do normal things, but mentally, this was still very challenging.

Moving to this rehab facility meant that either his wife would have to be away from him, in order to stay with the kids, or it meant they both would have to be away from the kids. Many people stepped up, his brother spent the majority of the time with him in Atlanta at first, and when he couldn't be there then his wife, my grandpa, would go, and my mom took a week away from work to spend with him in Atlanta. In order to get his trach removed from his neck my mother spent multiple overnights with him to ensure he didn't pull off his night-time breathing machine, the last obstacle to getting the trach removed, forever! Not to mention, my Uncle's mother-in-law, who has basically moved into their house just to be there and do everything possible for the kids! So many people doing the unknown, little & big, things that we can not imagine getting through this time without their help! Everyone stepped up because as much as the recovery would fall on my Uncle's own lap, it was going to take a village to ensure all the moving parts moved together to help him recover.

His physical recovery has been amazing, truly amazing! But his brain's recovery was never so quick. A struggle for him, truly frustrating, as well as a struggle for his family. Seven blurry years just weren't adjusting or focusing, and we didn't know if we'd ever get him back, totally and completely. When my mother visited him she would try to tell him about my children. He used to make comments like how being a grandma was my mom's calling, so we know he once knew about my babies, but now, when she would show him pictures-- or when we would FaceTime-- you could tell he maybe struggled to remember or would just nod along to make us think he knew, but he didn't know them. This isn't shocking, he had a terrible brain injury and the fogginess was obviously going to be a task we had to overcome. How much he remembered depended on the day of the week, the type of therapy he had that day, how much sleep he got, the type of mood he was in. It was challenging for us to give him space to "figure out his mind" (that's a saying that my mom & grandma had told me he had said when he was little) because the guy we once knew was so full of life and memories and excitement. The introduction of new people and new things (either completely new or "new to him") was not necessary and certainly not helpful as it would frustrate him or exhaust him. We had to wait for him to figure out his mind. Keep the faith, keep hoping something would click, keep praying for recovery.
One day I received a text message from my Uncle's wife saying "something changed" and my Uncle seemed way more alert, something clicked, something was kind of working differently, but for the better!!
There are still obstacles to be had, but suddenly some things seemed to finally come in focus for him and again we were given the gift of hope. Even his therapists said they believe he will prove the doubters wrong and there is hope for so much more than what they expected. Again, we were seeing things we didn't know would ever be possible again and suddenly... Suddenly we are counting down the days until he graduates from his rehab facility and comes home!!

Every single person that came together for our family, that gave us hope, sent your prayers, thought of us all during this trying time, you have been a very important part of the puzzle. You have helped the family overcome this test. Are we completely in the clear? Not quite, but the good news is always our focus. He will be home for his son's 13th birthday, he will be home for Christmas & New Years. He will home with his family and we are so very thankful! Never give up, always keep the faith, where there's a will there's a way, and all the other cliche' sayings are true. Thank the good Lord for answered prayers.

Growing Pains

The other morning I looked at my 2 years 4.5 month old son and immediately thought "Holy Schnikes, that kid grew over night." He just looks taller, just seems taller, just suddenly, BOOM! TALLER. I don't know how it happens, I am not sure why, but I am pretty certain that explains my sweet, baby boy acting like the terrifying toddler he has been this week.

Yes, he's two, and that should mean he's in the terrible twos and I should expect the crazy things he does or the way he is suddenly acting, but I wasn't expecting this. It's almost like mood swings, it's not mean or hurtful, it's not even sassy (he's my kid, he will always be sassy), it's like tears pour out of his eyes, his feelings are consistently hurt over something so not normal for him. 

My daughter, well, she's my kid, so her mood swings are expected, and have been tolerated from the day she was born, and we realize until forever. My son, on the other hand, he's never cried-- not if we discipline him, not if we yell, or tell him "no," not for anything. Until late last week, maybe earlier this week? Suddenly everything warrants tears. Again, this isn't that unusual, as he is my kid and I can cry from watching a stupid, German grocery store commercial, or AT&T, or dogs, or whatever. I just didn't think it would hit my son, so quickly, so much.

Is it growing pains? Is he sad or actually IN PAIN? I intend to measure him this weekend, just to see how much he's grown, because I do believe he sprouted up tall over night. I hope it's just a phase and something that will pass, not so much because being sensitive is a bad thing, but because I truly miss my sweet, silly, (sometimes sassy), totally crazy, little boy that doesn't have a mean bone in his body, he is just a bit... mischievous.

Family Tradition

It's that time of year when you start to remember all of your family's traditions that some how got passed down from generation to generation. Crazy to think back to when I was little and we used to travel to Indiana every year. Not necessarily for Thanksgiving, but Memorial Weekend, for the Indy 500. My mom's entire family would get together. The things I remember the most was the laughs. That part of my family was always laughing. You just hoped you were laughing with them and not being laughed at, because it was always their mission to play a prank or joke on someone, anyone. Every person was fair game, no one was safe from the crazy antics.

My Great-Grandma walked with a cane, although I never really remember her using the cane for walking. She would swat you on the backside as you walked past her. My Grandma would lurk behind anything and yell "BOO" to scare you. As would my mother. Turns out I inherited this lovely trait for scaring unsuspecting people-- I scared my husband (at the time he was just my boyfriend) when he walked into my apartment. I simply waited behind the door and said "Boo" when he walked in.Scared him enough that he fell over the couch.

My brother could tell you a story about coming home from the race, riding in the car with my mom's Uncle (Jay Lee) and his son, Chad (my mom's cousin). My brother could tell the story so much better than I ever could, as he experienced it and it scared him so bad that almost 30 years later my brother still talks about it. My brother was asleep in the back of the car-- see, when you go to the Indy 500 you get up at the crack of dawn and drive into Indianapolis. Then you tail-gate all day, even when you're only about 10 years old tail-gating is a VERY important piece of the puzzle. Of course this leads to a very long day in the sun, exhausting everyone. My brother fell asleep in the backseat and woke up to Jay Lee slamming on the breaks, he and Chad screaming at the top of their lungs! Talk about terrifying. Jay Lee's smile is so contagious, you cannot even hold it against him, you just have to laugh along with them.

Jay Lee passed away this weekend, after a long battle. It's heartbreaking because he was the baby of the family and he was always so much fun! But, let me tell you the crazy family antics have been passed down. Last night I was in the shower-- 10 minutes of hot shower, no toddlers. At least I thought so. I left my son in the bedroom watching the "dog movie" (101 Dalmatians) and my husband had our daughter asleep in the chair after she passed out during her breathing treatment. I started to hear some nudges at the door. It could have been the dog, but usually he nudges it and moves on, but then the door opens and my son walks in, all sneaky, and says "BOO!" I could not stop laughing at my TWO YEAR OLD SON, who some how managed to inherit the silly trait of scaring people. We walk around the house, jumping out from behind corners a lot in my house. My Grandma would think it was the funniest thing ever. Every day I wish she were alive to see his silliness, especially last night. I would have loved to have called her and told her about her Great-Grandson, she would have been so proud.

My Grandma probably was standing behind the Golden Gate and St Peter, lurking, just waiting for Jay Lee to step foot into Heaven for the first time, and at the exact right moment jump out and yell BOO! That's how it goes...

In memory of Jay Lee, and my Grandma Mary Lou

Memories I Don't Want to Forget...

Something ever happen and you think to yourself "I need to remember this forever" because it is either hilarious or heartwarming. Maybe it was just a touching moment that made you think there is hope for our future.

My son can be such a big brother!! Sometimes he is pushing his sister down, sometimes he is yelling at her (for Lord only knows what reason this time), sometimes he is being so loving and sweet...

Sister was asleep in the bedroom, my son, my husband, and I were all in the living room. My son had me laughing, we were goofing around, my husband watching us, just laughing at us being funny. Then Sis woke up. Let out a cry, and my son said "Uh oh, baby" and took off running to the bedroom. Both of my children have toddler beds, and Sis was just sitting on the edge of her bed and my son climbed up, gave her a hug and kiss, and got back down.

It was sweet. Very sweet, very heart warming, very beautiful and I never want to forget it. However, Sis... her smile, when her big brother came to her rescue was just as wonderful and heart-warming. Just as memorable. I hope I never forget these moments.

Especially when my toddlers start acting like toddlers again. Especially when my son doesn't want his baby sister on his (toddler-sized)
slide, playing with him. Especially when he shoves her off the slide and she gets a lovely bruise on her cheek, that will easily last for weeks, probably through to our Christmas pictures.